Audition

I went to my very first audition yesterday. I've always wanted to try acting but have been too nervous to try out. Remember, how I said I'd get to the door and not walk through. Well, yesterday, I walked through the door.

I started off on Saturday morning getting up around 8:30. My mind was giving me a list of reasons why I shouldn't go: Tempe is too far away, I don't want to commit to a time consuming project, blah, blah. I really didn't want to go, however, I told myself that if I say I am going to do something, then I need to follow through with it.

I went to Walgreens to make a copy of a picture of myself to submit with my audition application. That didn't take too long and I came back to the house to eat some breakfast and watch examples of the Vagina Monologues on youtube to familiarize myself with some of the material (I'd read the play a couple of weeks ago).

Josh had to run up to the West campus from 10:30-11:30 to check on how his event that he helped organize was going. Josh needed to be back at 11:30 exactly so I could make it on time to my 1:00 audition in Tempe (I actually needed to arrive a bit earlier than that so I could familiarize myself with the material).

At 11:45 Josh pulled into the driveway and we did a quick switch of drivers. I was off to Tempe following directions from Mapquest. Oh the joys and perils of living in a big city. T-R-A-F-F-I-C on a Saturday afternoon was killer and my Mapquest direction did not indicate the access to Interstate 10 East would be completely BLOCKED OFF! Seriously?!?! I took I-10 West and turned around on the first overpass I came to (again, mucho traffico).

Despite all the set backs, I was determined to continue trying to make it to the audition. Would you believe that when I got close to the ASU campus, I saw that it was parents' weekend AND the day of a football game? Incredible! Where in the world would I park and where in the heck in Memorial Union (student union)?

As luck would have it, I did find a meter spot that was good for a total of ONE HOUR. It was 12:35 and I needed to be in the MU by 1:00. $1.50 later, I was walking through a sea of parents and college kids, stopping to ask a complete stranger where the MU was located and being told, "Over there, ma'am." Hmm...I'm getting the "ma'am" now.

Into the MU, into the bathroom for a quick hair check and self pep talk. Onto the audition room and I'm not feeling too nervous. Just a little hands/knees shaking, buzzing in my ear sound, as I try to focus on what I'm being told regarding selecting two dramatic pieces and three comedic pieces to read and pick my favorite to present to the director/producer.

I was happy to see that my favorite piece, "My Vagina Was My Village," was an option for the dramatic piece and I decided that this was the monologue I would perform. Here is the poem:

My vagina was green, water soft pink fields, cow mooing, sun resting, sweet boyfriend touching lightly with soft piece of blonde straw.

There is something between my legs. I do not know what it is. I do not know where it is. I do not touch. Not now. Not anymore. Not since.

My vagina was chatty, can’t wait, so much, so much saying words talking, can’t quit trying, can’t quit saying, oh yes, oh yes.

Not since I dream there’s a dead animal sewn in down there with thick black fishing line. And the bad dead animal smell cannot be removed. And its throat is slit and it bleeds through all my summer dresses.

My vagina singing all girl songs, all goat bell ringing songs, all wild autumn field songs, vagina songs, vagina home songs.

Not since the soldiers put a long thick rifle inside me. So cold, the steel rod cancelling my heart. Don’t know whether they’re going to fire it or shove it through my spinning brain. Six of them, monstrous doctors with black masks shoving bottles up me too. There were sticks and the end of a broom.

My vagina swimming river water, clean spilling water over sun-baked stones, over stone clit, clit stones over and over.

Not since I heard the skin tear and made lemon screeching sounds, not since a piece of my vagina came off in my hand, a part of the lip, now one side of the lip is completely gone.

My vagina. A live wet water village. My vagina my hometown.

Not since they took turns for seven days smelling like feces and smoked meat, they left their dirty sperm inside me. I became a river of poison and puss and all the crops died, and the fish.

My vagina a live wet water village.

They invaded it. Butchered it. And burned it down.

I do not touch now.

Do not visit.

I live some place else now. I don’t know where that is.

This poem is so powerful to me that I cry/tear up every time I read it. To get me over my nerves, I started talking to one of the girls in the room while I waited. I wasn't feeling nervous when my name was called to go into the audition room.

I walked across the hallway, it felt like slow motion, I'll never forget opening the door into the room knowing that THIS IS IT. I smiled and introduced myself to the two ladies sitting at the table eating their Quizno's lunch. I took my place standing in front of them holding my script in hand.

They asked me some questions about how comfortable I was talking about vaginas, etc. And they asked why did I want to be in this show. I told them, "Honestly, I wanted to audition/act for a long time and I wasn't go to let myself back out of it anymore. I said I was determined to walk through that door today. My second motivation was to be in the show because it was about women."

When I started to read, I was so FREAKING NERVOUS. Like, my knees were shaking and my voice was wavering. Nervous like I haven't felt since giving a presentation in high school or college.

Then, it was over. They told me that they would be making call backs between 4-8 that night. I headed back to the parking lot and called Josh and my mom...trying not to cry as I walked in front of all the students and their parents again.

When I got in the car, I just cried and cried driving home. I was so emotional. I guess it was from all the adrenaline of giving the performance and being so nervous and knowing I could have done better if I had calmed myself down.

After crying, I felt very relieved and at peace. I was very proud of myself for following through and trying something new that I always wanted to do. Regardless of the outcome, I did it!

As I reached the driveway of the house, I thought about something Josh and I had talked to Nate and Laura about at Taste of Thai right before we moved to Phoenix. We were talking about whether moving to a new place would make you grow as a person. I thought it would because you would develop more flexibility and adaptability. However, now I think that while that is true, you also have to keep challenging yourself with new experiences if you want to grow as a person. I'm growing!

I was a bit drained after that experience so I laid down to take a nap. Around 6:00 the phone rang and it was Alissa, the director, calling to invite me to a call back on Sunday. Yay! I must not have been too terrible! That phone call gave me some confidence to bring into the audition today.

So, since my call back was at 10:50 on Sunday, Josh and I decided to go to the Saturday service at CCV that began at 6:15. We ended up being 15 minutes late but were able to hear the entire service. The church campus is BEAUTIFUL at night. Normally, Josh and I go to the Alternative Service building, however, on Saturday night, only the Contemporary Service hall is open. It's all very nice, new, and BIG.

After the service we walked around for a bit...there's a cafeteria on site, an outdoor grill area where they serve hot dogs and hamburgers, a really nice outdoor fireplace area, and all the palm trees are lit and festive looking.

We came home and we picked up the house a bit before watching SNL and going to bed.

This morning, I woke up at 8:30 and got ready to drive to Tempe again. The drive wasn't so bad...until I got close to the ASU campus and saw that the ARIZONA IRON MAN competition was going on!!! What the freak-how am I supposed to get to campus, let alone park?!?

Fortunately, time was on my side (for the most part). After following the orange cones of part of the competition course (an obstacle course for drivers while bicyclists and runners are passing me in my vehicle), I made a huge loop and parked in the football stadium parking lot. The stadium is a good 1 to 1.5 mile trek to the MU and all I knew was that from where I was located, the MU was SOUTH so that's the direction I started walking.

I just typed walking, however, I was RUNNING. I had 20 minutes before my assigned time and I wanted to be able to view the material before reading again. Eventually, I reached the MU and had time to wipe the sweat off my brow in the bathroom before entering the audition room.

This time, there were a bunch of girls in there and lots of different script selections. Alissa told me I would be reading "My Vagina Was My Village" and "The Vagina Workshop" as part of an ensemble cast. I read the new material for about 5 minutes before being called into another room with 4 other ladies to read.

We each had different sections to read and it was fun to see others perform and to perform myself. I was not nervous like yesterday at all. I liked it.

That piece done, I returned to the waiting area and reviewed the other piece. Soon enough, one other girl and I were called in to read the Village piece. Alissa told us that this piece is very "bi-polar" as it shifts from happy to sad and that she thought about two people speaking during this piece but we each would perform the entire piece independently.

Honestly, I thought the other girl, who read first, was flat and lacked energy. Not saying that my acting ability was Wowie or anything but I did do more than just stand there a read without inflection.

My turn again...not nervous...I love that poem.

I thought that was all for me but when I went into the waiting room, they asked me to review and read one more piece. I familiarized myself with it and then spent time talking to a girl who has traveled heaps all over the world. I went in and read my last piece, not so connected to the material but still having a good time.

Alissa said that they will call by 9:00 tonight with their selections. Sure, it would be GREAT to be validated by being selected (and, I would really like to perform the Village poem), however, I feel like I kinda already have been validated at this point AND I wouldn't have to drive to TEMPE again :)

Now, I know I can audition and no one can take that away from me. I did something I've always wanted to do. Now, I'll just look for auditions in Glendale and the West campus :)